Mary Shelley, Mario Bava, and VC Andrews Walk Into A Bar … A Review Of Crimson Peak

Every career has its ups and downs, because, let’s face it, nobody is perfect. So when Guillermo del Toro’s last directorial feature, Pacific Rim, turned out to be some sort of poorly executed Lovecraftian version of Transformers, I let it slide. When he was one of the people responsible for the incredibly disappointing (to me, at least) Hobbit trilogy, I again let it slide. Because you know what? People make mistakes. Also, because I loved Pan’s Labyrinth and The Devil’s Backbone. In fact, when I first caught wind of Crimson Peak, I immediately thought of The Devil’s Backbone and got excited – del Toro is doing ghosts again! This has to be good! Right?

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Mary Shelley, Mario Bava, and VC Andrews Walk Into A Bar … A Review Of Crimson Peak

1, 2, People Will Hate This Review. 3, 4, This Movie’s A Bore…A Nightmare on Elm Street Review

I know this is blasphemous amongst the horror circles, and especially so in the wake of Wes Craven’s unfortunate passing, but it is what it is. As far back as I can remember, A Nightmare On Elm Street has always been my least favorite of the franchise movies. Admittedly, as the series went on, I liked them a little bit more – who can’t appreciate some of Freddy’s one-liners? The problem with this first one is that none of those are there (I’m not willing to count the “I’m your boyfriend now” line), none of the witticism at all is present, and without even that little glimmer of hope, the movie just falls flat.

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1, 2, People Will Hate This Review. 3, 4, This Movie’s A Bore…A Nightmare on Elm Street Review

Cannibals In Maryland Makes Sense: A Review Of Blood Massacre

Ah, Video Vortex. Without a doubt, the last Tuesday of every month is the day I look forward to most, just so I can soak in the trashy, so-bad-it’s-good VHS brilliance with a like-minded squad of miscreants. Only once have I been let down (I’m looking at you, Attack of the Beast Creatures), and this month’s feature, Blood Massacre, continued the trend of leaving me happy at the end of the night. Unhinged Vietnam War vet? Check. Bumbling criminals that get in over their head? Check. Bizarre, bloody sex scene? Check. Cannibals? Check. What’s not to love?! Director Don Dohler delivers up a great (if not cursed, more on that later) thriller/horror film with basically no “good guys”.

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Cannibals In Maryland Makes Sense: A Review Of Blood Massacre

Smart Zombies or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Zom(bie) [A Review of Return of the Living Dead]

When I was a kid, one of the guaranteed highlights to my week was watching USA Up All Night (primarily the Rhonda Shear era, because let’s be honest, who can stand listening to Gilbert Gottfried’s voice?) every weekend. The amount of absolutely magnificent garbage I took in during all of those binge watching nights is pretty staggering, and most of them have long since been forgotten. There are, of course, some that have stuck with me over the years, and nestled somewhere in my memory amongst Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Student Bodies, and Daughters Of Satan is Return Of The Living Dead.

Here’s the thing, though – my memory of this movie was not a particularly good one. For whatever reason, it left such a bad impression on my young mind that I never bothered to revisit it. Even with my love of pretty much all things Linnea Quigley, I just chalked this one up as a loss.

returnlivingdead3

Continue reading “Smart Zombies or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Zom(bie) [A Review of Return of the Living Dead]”

Smart Zombies or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Zom(bie) [A Review of Return of the Living Dead]

Stop Being A Dick, Mark: A Review Of Creature From The Black Lagoon in 3D

It’s an interesting task, actually sitting down and reviewing a movie that you’ve seen dozens of times. To be honest, I could have written this the minute I was asked to review it, if not for the fact that I’ve never seen it in a theater in 3D. What might seem like such a minor thing definitely had me almost feeling like I was watching a different, but very familiar, movie. And you know what? IT. WAS. AWESOME.

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Stop Being A Dick, Mark: A Review Of Creature From The Black Lagoon in 3D

“We want to share movies, not run for office” — A Q&A with James Shapiro of Drafthouse Films

Initially, I was asked to do a little story about the history of Drafthouse Films, and considering how many movies they’ve released that I love, I didn’t hesitate for a second. Once The Tribe was announced as a Film Club screening, however, the focus shifted a little to be more on that specific film, with a little bit of past and future sprinkled in. That narrowed down direction is probably a good thing, as the initial story would have primarily consisted of me ranting about how amazing R100 and A Band Called Death are, and how more people should see The Congress. (which, trust me, would have taken up a good chunk of space in that post).

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“We want to share movies, not run for office” — A Q&A with James Shapiro of Drafthouse Films

Quentin Dupieux: No Reason

During the opening scene of Rubber, the film that first brought French filmmaker Quentin Dupieux to the attention of most movie fans, Lieutenant Chad (Stephen Spinella) delivers a monologue which states that “All great films, without exception, contain an important element of no reason”. This monologue sums up Dupieux’s work and style of filmmaking perfectly – no reason. That’s not necessarily a bad thing in most cases. Everything that he has done has, at the very least, contained some element of “no reason”, from the palm tree that inexplicably becomes a pine in Wrong, to a crooked cop selling drugs stuffed in duct-taped rat carcasses in Wrong Cops, to… well, all of Rubber, really. It’s all absurd, it’s all bizarre, it’s all surreal.

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Quentin Dupieux: No Reason