Deathgasm – Holy crap!
I am so happy with the vast amount of horror/comedy goodness coming out of New Zealand lately. Housebound was a gem. Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (ok, this one is from Australia, but they talk kinda the same, so I’m going to count it) was freaking amazing. Deathgasm did not disappoint.
Brodie is an angsty teenage loser. At least he’s portrayed as a loser. It’s really an unfair assumption based solely on the fact that he loves metal and has long hair. So what if his recently institutionalized meth-head mom LOVES Santa Claus? Maybe he’s sent to live with Jesus freaks. Perhaps he’s dealing with some heavy shit and he’s a bit moody and misunderstood-but a loser? I think not. This guy’s about to make a discovery that will unleash a demon hoard and awaken ‘the Blind One’-let’s show a little respect. That’s pretty badass if you ask me. Can he make good and save the world and will he get the girl? Duh, duh, duhhhhhhh…
It’s just another day in Greypoint. Brodie and his mates (yeah, that’s right-I’m down with the kiwi vernacular) gear up for another day of ass beatings. Jocks rule the school with their juvenile antics, including Brodie’s asshole cousin. Brodie intervenes when his bud, Dion gets a 10 sided die shoved up his nose by said jock bullies. Misplaced testosterone-y male aggression ensues and it’s here in the school yard that we first meet, Medina, the golden-tressed love interest. She’s currently dating the asshole cousin. Of course, right?
To escape the everyday jackassery of dealing with bullies, Brodie listens to hardcore death metal. He trolls the local record store for new albums-vinyl, people. With the first few notes, he’s transformed into a rock god and transported to a land where he’s swoll and lady tops burst open at the first shred of his electric guitar.
One day while admiring a wildly overpriced, but obscure album, he meets Zakk, a super cool fellow metal head and the two become thick as thieves. Zakk is the badass that Brodie wants to be. They immediately start a band affectionately dubbed ‘Deathgasm’ and Zakk, ever restless and not so bright leads Brodie down the rabbit hole of young hooliganism. They break into a house only to find out that it’s the home of one of their idols, Rikki Daggers. They attempt to steal an album from the comatose burn-out, only to wake him and piss him off. His mostly incoherent ramblings scare the shit out of the boys, but it gets worse when someone else crashes the party. A strange suited cult is after Rikki and his album and they are willing to take it by any means necessary. Shortly before Rikki’s demise, he entrusts the guys with the album and he tells them to guard it with their lives.
Sufficiently freaked out, Brodie and Zakk discover some ancient Latin phrases and cryptic music notes tucked into the album. It’s hardly a surprise where all this is going. It’s not the first time that demon incantations have been made into songs that raise the dead and summon evil, but yeah, that happens.
This is where it all gets good. Immediately people start getting all zombie demon up in there. The guys catch on and realize what they have done. The cult catches on too. They want the incantations to harness the power and our ‘Deathgasm’ heroes want to destroy it so that they can stop the evil. With the help of the lovely Medina, who earlier shares an ice cream cone with Brodie as he extols the wonders of metal to her wherein he wins her over, our fearless misfits set about saving the world.
They make a pretty formidable team at first, but eventually Zakk goes rogue (after lying to Medina about Brodie’s interest in her in attempt to get a little action for himself). Blood and guts and gore ensue as they fight of the hoards. Creative uses for everyday items fashioned in McGyver-like weapons of mass demon destruction rule the day and the shit hits the fan. A personal favorite scene involves large dildos. Lots and lots of large skull crushing dildos.
Eventually it’s discovered that playing the music backwards will reverse the summoning and send the demon back to the depths of hell and foil the evil plan of the cult leaders. In the end, most of our rag-tag gang makes it back for the final battle. It’s discovered that the demon will inhabit the blackest soul in an attempt to take an earthly form. After Zakk lost his shit and abandoned everyone, he goes dark and the demon takes full advantage of his weak moment. I try not to blatantly give spoiler alerts, although I do sometimes, in this instance, I will just say that the demon is thwarted and all returns to normal. Certain sacrifices were made. Medina and Brodie become a happy metal couple and all the evil demon spawn minions are returned to their old selves.
I was fortunate enough to view this movie with some pretty fucking sage metal heads. I learned that it’s not called ‘face paint, it’s called ‘corpse paint’. I also learned that the ‘hang ten’ hand gesture is very similar to the evil eye. I learned that the more ridiculous and fake a band name sounds that more than likely it’s for real-‘Pig Destroyer’? Yep, that’s a legit band. See this movie. Seek it out and destroy it with your eyeballs. It’s so damn entertaining. Death to false metal. Hail ‘Satin’. Now you have to watch the movie or that last bit won’t make any sense…