Rutatbaga: Safety Words Don’t Work When Your Child Is A Murdering Fiend: A SINISTER 2 Review

Wait, what? I am truly not even sure what just happened. When asked to write a review for Sinister 2, I toyed with the idea of making an effort to see Sinister 1. Kinda glad I didn’t. I will never know if my decision would have lead to less ‘wtf’ moments, but I can assure you it would have made this review a lot less fun.

I would have renamed this movie. It was clearly a child’s primer on how to make a snuff film. Perhaps something quaint like, ‘Little Johnny’s Guide to Sadistic Murder’ or ‘Rutatbaga: Safety Words Don’t Work When Your Child is a Murdering Fiend’. Something with a little panache.

So, the driving force behind the evil in this film is an entity called Bughuul. Sort of. This poor guy-if Danzig and Brigham Young had a love child, I am pretty sure Bughuul would be him. He’s the horror movie equivalent to trying to too hard to make ‘fetch’ happen. He peeps around corners and he beats the ‘Bloody Mary” mirror lurking bit to death, but what is his motivation? To corrupt young, impressionable children into making sub-par home movies? To recruit the next generation of ham radio enthusiasts? I am not sure, but I suspect he harbors some serious AV club animosity.

Here is what I think happened-if that sounds too speculative, it is. I feel like I just watched an extended version of NIN’s ‘Closer’ video complete with techno spurty air sounds but minus Trent Reznor’s oozing sex. It was confusing, so bear with me…

Attractive mom, fond of Amish chic (seriously-her wardrobe?), moves her two doe-eyed boys out to the country to escape an abusive dick. Sensitive boy number one sees dead people. The local retired sheriff’s deputy, played charmingly and bumblingly by a poor man’s Luke Wilson clone becomes interested in the family because he knows about the whole Bughuul story. Wish I did. They make out.

Dead kids like home movies. A lot. More than your weird Uncle Joe. Seriously, his crappy slides from ‘Hawaii 1967’ transferred onto VHS tape have nothing on these kids. The winner for ‘Best Amateur Film’ had to be the boy who forced rats to eat their way out of parishioners bellies. Kudos to you! For some reason sensitive boy number one has to watch all of these snuff films. He seems mostly OK with it. Slightly less sensitive boy number two gets jealous that his brother gets all the dead kid attention because that is what social media has done to our youth. It’s a travesty, really…

When all is said and done we come to realize that the dead kids were really after jealous boy number two because he is a weak, preying pussy like his abusive father. He is the perfect vessel to carry out their evil shenanigans. You see, they, the dead kids, answer to Bughuul. They document their family murders to appease him and he, well he…um, shit. I was going to say that he lets them live, but they are already dead. What the hell are they so afraid of then? Ugh, my head…

I am not saying that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy this movie. It was entertaining enough. Oh, Bughuul, you sly dog, you. Is it the air time you crave? The radio and the camera seemed significant enough. Are you looking for prime real estate? That old country house with the abandoned church on the property had a certain charm. Who the hell knows? (I mean it-anyone?)

No surprises. A few jump scares. Just meh…

i live in a ‘cabin in the woods’ with my two dogs. it’s usually pretty quiet except for ‘the birds’ and if i leave them ‘alone in the dark’, then there is ‘the howling’. i once solicited an ‘exorcist’, but ’28 days later’, ‘it came back’. i guess ‘it follows’. i’m single and kind of a ‘hellraiser’, but one day i hope to ‘let the right one in’…

Rutatbaga: Safety Words Don’t Work When Your Child Is A Murdering Fiend: A SINISTER 2 Review

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